King – Oikawa Tooru.
Oikawa left the gymnasium holding his head high, and
he kept it like that all the way home. Not a single tear fell from his eyes. He
refused to drop his chin in front of the people he knew looked up to him. He
listened to their coach. He praised everyone, and flattered their skills.
“You all might feel disappointed, but what you did in the court was impressive.
You need to…” Oikawa heard he coach saying as his attention swayed in and out.
“The name of Aoba Josai…”
He looked to his side noticing the dried streams of
tears on the faces of his teammates, on the faces of the people who trusted
him, and his words. He had promised they would win. They would beat Karasuno
once more, and then they would take Shiratorizawa’s glory out of their hands.
Instead, it was Karasuno the one who beat
Shiratorizawa on their first try. Oikawa had been able to see how much Karasuno
had struggle throughout the whole match. He had pushed Iwaizumi claiming that
the winning ceremony would make him sick. What was truly happening underneath
him was a complete different matter.
He closed the door of his room behind him watching the
dimness it offered. He had faced that darkness before. He was familiarized with
it more than he liked to admit. His shoulders grew heavier, and even the air
was denser. Just because he was used to staring into the void didn’t mean it
hurt any less. He rested hi back on the door and his head finally fell down. He
slowly slid down letting the weight of his loss to settle in.
His hands went to his head, to his hair, and his
fingers started to scrap his skull and he grinded his teeth in a failed attempt
to keep his emotions in control. Inevitably, faint whimpers escaped his mouth
as thin lines of water framed his face. Their loss against Karasuno was like an
earthquake destroying the foundations of his will. The ground beneath him shook
so violently he didn’t have where to stand anymore.
You’re
alone, you’re on your own, so what?
Have you gone blind?
Have you forgotten what you have and what is
yours?
He hard worked hard. He had trained. He had spent
years trying to beat what he thought was his last obstacles just for Karasuno
to come out of nowhere and stole what he had been fighting for. All for
nothing. Because whatever he did would never be enough, wouldn’t it? There
would always be someone to remind him his efforts were nothing but useless
reminders of the talent he lacked. When he looked back he only saw failure. He
grasped victory, but never reach it. He was stuck in an infinite ‘almost’.
Almost there. Almost a winner.
Almost, but not quiet.
He could hear his phone ringing but he ignored it. He
didn’t want to hear about the world. At the moment, even his soul felt
powerless and unable to answer any type of inquiring. There was not a bit of
him that felt like trying.
He got out of his clothes still hearing his phone
tirelessly ringing. He took it and turned it off before getting under his
quilt. His eyes were sore and his body begged for rest.
——
She stared at the empty seat in front of her. Two days
straight and he was still missing. Her heart clenched in her chest. She knew
there was no coincidence for Oikawa to be absent right after he lost. Her
cellphone marked the thousands of calls she had made. All of them had gone into
voicemail. She had never imagined she would grow enervated of his cheery voice,
but his voice telling her to leave him a message had become a nightmare.
She knew she wasn’t supposed to be calling him. If any
of her friends found out, they would sure be giving her a lecture about
self-respect and self-love. She always saw in Oikawa much more than the others
did. She had peeked into his heart once and she had never forgotten what she
had found. So it was near to impossible for her to leave him be, to simply
ignore the hunch throbbing, indicating nothing was as it was supposed to be.
Glass
half empty, glass half full
Well, either way you won’t be going thirsty
Count your blessings not your flaws
He looked at his reflection on the bathroom mirror. He had big dark
circles around his eyes, and even when he had fair skin, he was abnormally
pale. In the last forty-eight hours his life had been a mixed of drifting in
and out of his sleep and hollowly staring at the ceiling of his bedroom. The
food her mother brought him ended up flushed down the toilet.
He had to get up. He was aware that he needed to move on. Yet somehow,
his mind didn’t act according to that knowledge. Would it matter? He could back
to the gymnasium, back to court. For what?
He would stand behind the line waiting for his turn to practice. He
would jump, he would strike the ball and hear it smash against the floor feeling
unsatisfied because no skills had ever been sufficient to drive him to victory.
So why would he make any new efforts, if the ending result would always be the
same? He didn’t want to see the dejected countenances of his teammates
again.
There would always be an Ushijima, or a Kageyama. Someone whose natural
talent was so extraordinary, hard work would never outdo it.
Usually, his train of thought was the complete opposite. There used to
be no force on earth that could discourage him. With so much evidence along the
years there was no other conclusion he could reach. He couldn’t close his eyes
to the facts anymore. To keep pushing countercurrent will only wreck him
further.
He felt a jolt of desperation crossing his body caused by a crescent
frustration. To see himself so defeated made him feel pathetic and piteous. The
person who was in front of the mirror wasn’t supposed to be him. He swanked his
pride, his abilities, proud of who he was. He had sacrificed more than his time
to be who he was, to then just be reduced to that sad reflection.
He turned the shower on, and got in even when the water wasn’t warm. His
teeth clattered and his breath was heavy trying to resist the freezing
sensation. Once the water felt hotter against his skin, he finished taking a
bath. He dressed in sports clothing and went out of his house.
You
don’t get what all this is about
You’re too wrapped up in your self doubt
You’ve got that young blood, set it free
Oikawa started trotting with a constant rhythm as if he was training. He
wanted to scare the demon that was suddenly living on his back, but it had its
claws deep down his flesh and in a matter of minutes the trotting turned into a
maniac running. Even though his feet seemed to be made of stone, he kept
running. He wished he could outrun his misery, avoid the thoughts that did
nothing but infuriate him.
He wasn’t aware at all of how much time, or how far he had run. He
simply couldn’t take it anymore. He found himself alone in a public park, and
took his chance to hit the trunk of a tree repeatedly as he cursed under his
breath. He was jaded. He was furious with himself, with life, with destiny,
with whatever force was responsible. He stopped hitting the tree once he
noticed the stinging pain on his hand. He also notice thin tears had fallen
from his eyes at some point. He turned around resting his back on the trunk.
“Tooru,” he heard someone calling him. His eyes flew wide open at the
sound of the feminine voice. _______ was there looking at him with the most
concerned eyes he had ever seen on her. His mouth was ajar but no sound came
out of it. His state was deplorable and he didn’t how long she had been her.
For the look of her face, he guessed that she had seen enough.
She walked to him with hurried step and inadvertently held him tight
against her. “It’s okay,” she whispered to his ear. He stood dumbfounded for a
second.
His body started having small spasms as a soft wail came out of his
mouth. His arms wrapped her in return, and he hid his face on the crook of her
neck. She started stroking his wet hair as he let himself fully cry.
“It’s okay,” she whispered again. Her own heart was breaking as well.
Oikawa had always stood so tall, so powerful. It was disheartening to catch him
in such a vulnerable state. “You did well, Tooru, so so well.”
“I didn’t,” he said in a thin thread that sounded nothing like his usual
voice. “I was never enough” he stopped mid sentence. His voice got lost in
another painful sob. “I’m just another good for nothing.”
“You’re extraordinary. Do you even know how many people look up to you?”
she broke the embrace and softly took his face so she could see him straight in
the eyes. “You’re an example to not only your own team but to so many others.”
She took a deep breath maintaining her own emotions at bay. Oikawa was fully
crying now, endless streams slid down. “Who cares if at the end you lost.
You’ve had three amazing years at Seijoh. Don’t you care about your team?” she
stopped for a second as he nodded. “That’s what truly matters. They admire you. I admire you. Get over Ushijima for
your own sake. You have achieved so much on your own… Be proud of your team, of
who you are, of what you had built.”
_____ gently wiped away his tears before taking his face again pulling it down.
She kissed his forehead and finally let go of him. “There’s more in this life
than a high school tournament. What you have given to the rest of the team is
far more than important than a trophy. Try to think about that.”
She smiled sweetly, and continued her way. Oikawa didn’t turn to watch
her leave. Instead, he walked back home with his head full of her words.
There’s
method in my madness
There’s no logic in your sadness
You don’t gain a single thing from misery
Take it from me
In another time, she would have stayed with him. If the circumstances
around them had been others, she would have surely stayed. She felt tempted,
but it wasn’t the right time.
The weekend went on without hearing about him again, but when Monday
arrived and she found him on class again, she felt glad. Despite the history
they shared, she wished him well. She had seen him on lunchtime laughing and
smiling with his in-crowd, and then she was beyond glad. It was nice to see him
being his usual self.
She didn’t expect him to come to her again, so it was a genuine
surprised when he approached her at the end of the day. He looked as charming
as ever. The person she had seen on the Friday evening was gone.
“Hey, ______, thank you for… for the other day.”
“Don’t worry. It was a coincidence to find you there. I only did what
every descent human being would have done.”
“Yeah, I don’t believe that much in coincidence,” he admitted. He rested
his eyes on her taking in that small peaceful moment. They hadn’t share one in
months. “What you said resonated a lot. It was a wake up call for me, so thank
you. I needed it.”
She shook her head. “Again, it’s nothing. I’m happy to know you’re
feeling better.”
“Can we meet this weekend?” Oikawa asked leaving her speechless. “I want
to talk to you about Friday… and the aftermath of that.”
“Okay. That sounds nice.”
“Deal.” He smiled at her and then patted her head. “See you around.”
You’ve got
it all
You lost your mind in the sound
There’s so much more
What had happened on that Friday evening had been a change of course for
him. He hadn’t lied to her when he admitted her words had been an enormous
help.
He had returned home looking for the videos of any previous match. That
time around he didn’t stare at him or at the opposite teams. He stared at his
teammates. There was truth on what ______ had said to him. They didn’t have the
trophy, but the team he saw was a winner one. The chemistry between each of
them, the agility they had was impressive. They were a team that knew how to
work things out. At the end, he had led a team full of proud warriors.
His chest had filled with proudness, with that same pride he always
talked about. Maybe they weren’t the winning team, but they were a team anyone
would remember.
At the end of it all, everyone will always remember Oikawa Tooru as the
captain and main setter of Seijoh.
And that was amazing enough.
You can
reclaim your crown
You’re in control
Rid of the monsters inside your head
Put all your faults to bed
You can be king
——
Thanks for the request! I hope you liked it!
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