It totally makes sense hun, this is a great song for a
non-perfect ending. Enjoy!
Give me a Reason by Pink – Kise
The sound of the front door opening and closing catches your
attention but you don’t open your eyes. You feel Ryota enter the room, the one
floor board that always squeaks announcing his presence but still you don’t
open your eyes. It feels like there’s a weight on your chest pulling pain in
from every angle of your body as he sinks onto the mattress next to you but
makes no move to snuggle to your back. It’s as though you’re living in the same
home but not existing together.
Since when did your relationship come to this?
A part of you knows, this is not all Ryota’s fault, it can’t
be but that doesn’t stop you from wondering what you did wrong, what he did
wrong, to end up in a place so far away from each other. You can’t even remember
the last time you laughed sincerely together.
Over two years ago, when the two of you first met, you’d
been quite a mess, a previous relationship doing a number on your heart. But
Ryota…he was so easy to fall for. Charming and charismatic, with a sincere heart
and willing ear to listen he’d swept you off your feet without really trying. Your
girlfriends had warned you not to get too attached to fast, to beware using him
like a rebound because that would not be fair to either of you. And you tried,
you really tried to remain just friends but every touch, every look, everything
about Ryota drew you in to him until you were head over heels.
Right from the start
You were a thief, you
stole my heart
And I your willing
victim
And it seemed he’d fallen for you, grateful to be needed, to
be taken seriously though he often worked over time to make you laugh. For the
first time in a very long while, he felt useful for more than just basketball.
His honeyed words lifted your despondent attitude but not
once did you ever feel they were frivolous. And he never treated you like a
project to fix, just someone who needed help putting the pieces back together;
he knew you still had to do most of the heavy lifting yourself.
I let you see the
parts of me, that weren’t all that pretty
And with every touch
you fixed them
When he finally kissed you, it was like coming home. The
warmth of his breath, the feel of his soft lips against yours and the way he
clung to you, like you were the most important person in his world, made you
feel lightheaded and giddy.
That was a year ago and now, here you were, lying with your
backs to one another, barely a word spoken throughout the day.
Rolling to your back, you stare at the ceiling and sigh.
This can’t go on, you can’t go on like this, stuck in a limbo you have no idea
how to navigate. Why you’ve let it get this bad you don’t know for sure but can
only speculate that it’s because of fear; fear of losing him should you seem
too needy, too clingy despite all the effort Ryota poured into helping you
mend.
Turning further, your eyes graze over his form, shoulders
rising and falling to the rhythm of his steady breath. How can he be so unaffected by what’s going
on? Doesn’t he care?
Just give me a reason,
just a little bit’s enough
Just a second we’re
not broken just bent, and we can learn to love again
It’s in the stars,
it’s been written in the scars on our hearts
We’re not broken just
bent, and we can learn to love again
“Ryota,” you whisper, “are you asleep?”
“Hmmmm?” he mumbles turning on his back. His eyes blink open
and shift to look at you. “What’s up ______-cchi?”
“What are we doing?” you ask.
He furrows his brow, rotating to face you as he props up on
his elbow. “What do you mean?”
Sighing, you run a hand through your hair, closing your eyes
before answering, “What are we doing in this relationship anymore? Do you…do
you even still want this?”
“Of course I do, how could you ask me that?” he replies
quickly, sitting up in his astonishment.
I’m sorry I don’t
understand
Where all of this is
coming from
I thought that we were
fine (Oh we had everything)
“Because we barely speak to each other anymore!” You sit up
as well, flicking on the light so you can see one another more clearly. He
blinks rapidly under its harsh rays as you go on, “It’s like…it’s like we don’t
know how to be together anymore
Ryota. I just…I need more and I don’t know what to do!”
He takes your hand. “______cchi, you’re being silly. We’ve just
been busy, that’s all.” He reaches out to touch your face but you jerk away,
standing up in a flurry of motion.
“That’s not just it, Ryota! I feel like you’re suppressing how
you really feel.”
His face is full of confusion which just irritates you
further. “Do you know,” you continue, “the other night when I tried to snuggle
up to you, you muttered something about me being too clingy? That you needed
your space?”
“Are you sure that wasn’t a dream? Because there’s no way I
would feel like that about you,” he says firmly.
Your head is running
wild again
My dear we still have
everythin’
And it’s all in your
mind (Yeah but this is happenin’)
You’ve been havin’
real bad dreams oh oh
You used to lie so
close to me oh oh
There’s nothing more
than empty sheets between our love, our love
“I was awake!” you snap. “I mean, if that’s how you feel subconsciously,
doesn’t that mean it’s how you truly feel?”
“You’re going to base the future of our relationship that? On something I said when I was
most likely dead to the world?” He stands up, moving around the bed to grip
your shoulders tightly, bright golden eyes burning into yours. “We aren’t
perfect, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship but I want this relationship, I want to be
with you.”
Stray tears flow down your cheeks and you step back. “Ok,
Ryota, I…I do too but,” you take a deep breath, “we need to discuss some things
in order to move forward. You may think there’s nothing wrong but I do and I
want to work on them.”
He runs a hand through his hair, frustration clear on his
face. “______-cchi, I’m tired, you’re tired, we’ve both had long days. Can we
please just table this until at least tomorrow?”
Just give me a reason,
just a little bit’s enough
Just a second we’re
not broken just bent and we can learn to love again
I never stop, you’re
still written in the scars on my heart
You’re not broken just
bent and we can learn to love again
You want to protest, want to get these things aired out so
you can feel like you can sleep peacefully for once but you know he’s right. To
do this here and now will only make things worse and if you’re really honest
with yourself there is too much to deal with in one night. So nodding your
head, you follow him back to be bed.
As the light flicks off, you feel him settling right behind
you, his strong arm wrapping around you securely. It’s a small thing, but it
feels huge and though you know the coming days will be filled with
uncomfortable conversations and probably more tears, it feels just a little
less hopeless than it did before.
Oh we can learn to
love again
Oh we can learn to
love again oh oh
Oh that we’re not
broken just bent and we can learn to love again
Tags: @rock-n-magick
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